Quips & Quotes
A Page Where Christians can Share Humorous,
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A.S.A.P.
Ever wonder about the abbreviation ASAP? Generally, we think of it in
terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of
this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new way
to deal with those rough days along the way.
There's work to do, deadlines to meet,
You've got no time to spare.
But as you hurry and scurry,
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.
In the midst of family chaos,
"Quality time" is rare.
Do your best, let God do the rest,
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.
It may seem like your worries
Are more than you can bear.
Slow down and take a breather,
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.
God knows how stressful life is,
He wants to ease our care;
And He'll respond to all your needs,
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.
Submitted
By Debbie Winans
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Been
Stopped By a Brick Lately?
About ten years ago, a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street. He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and - WHUMP! - it smashed into the Jag's shiny black side door! BRAKES SCREECHED!!!
Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown. Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what do you think you are doing?" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"
"Please, mister, please, I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!" Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car. "It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me by getting him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checked to see that everything was going to be OK. He then watched, as the younger brother pushed him down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE - a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the dented side door of his Jaguar. He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention. Some bricks are softer than others. Feel for the bricks of life that are coming at/to you.
"It was not with perishable things such as silver and gold
that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your
forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect"
1 Peter 1: 18 -19
Submitted by Sue McGuire
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"I'll never forgive him. I told him I would never forgive him."
The elderly lady spoke softly, but with resolve, as the nurse brought her
nightly medication. The lady's expression was troubled as she turned away,
focusing on the drape wrapped around her nursing home bed. This brief exchange
revealed a deep, deep hurt. She told of how her brother
had approached her bed, accusing her of taking more than her share of family
heirlooms following their mother's death. He spoke of various items, ending with
"the berry spoon." He said, "I want the berry spoon." For
the forty years since the mother's death he had hidden his feelings,
and now they erupted. She was both hurt and angered by his accusation and vowed
never to forgive him. "It's my spoon. Mother gave it to me," she
defended herself. "He's wrong and I won't forgive him."
Standing at her bedside, the nurse felt her own spirit soften and grieve.
A spoon--a berry spoon! In the bed lay a woman given two months to live--just
sixty days--and she would face eternity and never see her brother again in this
life. Her mind and spirit were in anguish, and her
only remaining family ties were broken over a berry spoon.
As the nurse returned to her station, she thought: "How many berry spoons
are there in my life? How many things, as insignificant as a spoon, in light of
eternity, separate me from God-and from others? How does a lack of forgiveness
keep me separated from my family? She asked God to search her heart. "How
many berry spoons are there in my life?"
Author: unknown
Submitted by: Corine Thomison
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Submitted by: Sandi Wallace
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"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist
professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of this new students to
stand.
"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes."
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil."
The professor smiles knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!" He considers
for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over
here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you
try?"
"Yes, sir, I would."
"So you're good.!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you
could. In
fact, most of us would if we could. God doesn't."
No answer.
"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer even though
he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmmmm? Can you
answer that one?"
No answer.
The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a
sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. In
philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
"Er, yes."
"Is Satan good?"
"No."
"Where does Satan come from?"
The student falters. "From..God.."
"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his
bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns to the smirking, student audience.
"I think we're going to have a lot of fun this semester, ladies and
gentlemen."
He turns back to the Christian. "Tell me, son. Is there evil in this
world?"
"Yes, sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God made everything?"
"Yes."
"Who created evil?"
No answer.
"Is there sickness in this world? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All the terrible things--do they exist in this world?"
The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."
"Who created them?"
No answer.
The professor suddenly shouts at his student. "WHO CREATED THEM? TELL ME,
PLEASE!"
The professor closes in for the kill and climbs into the Christian's face. In a
still small voice, he asks "God created all evil, didn't he, son?"
No answer. The student tries to hold the steady, experienced gaze and fails.
Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace the front of the classroom like an aging
panther. The class is mesmerized.
"Tell me", he continues, "how is it that God is good if he created all evil
throughout all time?" The professor swishes his arms around to encompass the
wickedness of the world. "All the hatred, the brutality, all the pain, all the
torture, all the death and ugliness and all the suffering created by this good God is all
over the world, isn't it, young man?"
No answer.
"Don't you see it all over the place? Huh?" Pause. "Don't
you?" The professor leans into the student's face again and whispers, "Is
God good?"
No answer.
"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."
The old man shakes his head sadly. "Science says you have five senses you use
to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen your Jesus?"
"No, sir. I have not."
"Have you every felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus...in fact, do
you have any sensory perception of your God whatsoever?"
No answer.
"Answer me, please."
"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."
"You're AFRAID you haven't?"
"No, sir."
"Yet you still believe in him?"
".yes."
"That take FAITH!" The professor smiles sagely at the underling.
"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says
your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son? Where is your God
now?"
The student doesn't answer.
"Sit down, please."
The Christian sits, defeated.
Another Christian raises his hand. "Professor, may I address the class?"
The professor turns and smiles. "Ah, another Christian in the vanguard!
Come, come, young man. Speak some proper wisdom to the gathering."
The Christian looks around the room. "Some interesting points you are making,
sir. Now I've got a question for you. Is there such a thing as heat?"
"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
"Is there such a thing as cold?"
"Yes, son, there's cold too."
"No, sir, there isn't."
The professor's grin freezes. The room suddenly goes quiet.
The second Christian continues. "You can have lots of heat, even more
heat, superheat, mega-heat, white heat, a little heat, or no heat but we don't have
anything called 'cold'. We can hit 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we
can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold, otherwise we would
be able to go colder than negative 458 degrees. You see, sir, cold is only a word we
use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can
measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat,
sir, just the absence of it."
Silence. A pin drops somewhere in the classroom.
"Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"
"Yes."
"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something, it is the absence of
something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light but if
you have no light constantly you have nothing. It's called darkness, isn't it?
That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't it.
If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker and give me a jar of it.
Can you give me a jar of darker darkness, professor?"
Despite himself, the professor smiles at the young effrontery before him. This will
indeed be a good semester. "Would you mind telling us what your point is, young
man?"
"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start
with, and so your conclusion must be in error.."
The professor goes toxic. "Flawed..? How dare you.!"
"Sir, may I explain what I mean?" The class is all ears.
"Explain, oh, explain." The professor makes an admirable effort to
regain control. Suddenly he is affability itself. He waves his hand to silence
the class, for the student to continue.
"You are working on the premise of duality," the Christian explains.
"That, for example, there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad
God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can
measure. Sir, science cannot even explain a thought. It uses electricity and
magnetism but has never seen, but less fully understood them. To view death as the
opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive
thing. Death is not the opposite of life, merely the absence of it."
The young man holds up a newspaper he takes from the desk of a neighbor who has been
reading it. "Here is one of the most disgusting tabloids this country hosts,
professor. Is there such a thing as immorality?"
"Of course there is, now look.."
"Wrong again, sir. You see, immorality is merely the absence of morality.
Is there such a thing as injustice? No. Injustice is the absence of
justice. Is there such a thing as evil?" The Christian pauses.
"Isn't evil the absence of good?"
The professor's face has turned an alarming color. He is so angry he is temporarily
speechless.
The Christian continues. "If there is evil in the world, professor, and we all
agree there is, then God, if he exists, must be accomplishing a work through the agency of
evil. What is that work God is accomplishing? The Bible tells us it is to see
if each one of us will, of our own free will, choose good over evil." The
professor bridles.
"As a philosophical scientist, I don't view this matter as having anything to do with
any choice; as a realist, I absolutely do not recognize the concept of God or any other
theological factor as being part of the world equation because God is not
observable."
"I would have thought that the absence of God's moral code in this world is probably
one of the most observable phenomena going," the Christian replies.
"Newspapers make billions of dollars reporting it every week! Tell me,
professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course
I do."
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?" The professor
makes a sucking sound with his teeth and gives his student a silent, stony stare.
"Professor. Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and
cannot even prove that this process is an ongoing endeavor, are you not teaching your
opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a priest?"
"I'll overlook your impudence in the light of our philosophical discussion.
Now, have you quite finished?" the professor hisses.
"So you don't accept God's moral code to do what is righteous?"
"I believe in what is -- that's science!"
"Ahh! SCIENCE!" the student's face splits into a grin.
"Sir, you rightly state that science is the study of observed phenomena.
Science too is a premise which is flawed."
"SCIENCE IS FLAWED.?" the professor sputters. The class is in an
uproar.
The Christian remains standing until the commotion has subsided. "To continue
the point you were making earlier to the other student, may I give you an example of what
I mean?"
The professor wisely remains silent.
The Christian looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever
seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out in laughter. "Is
there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain,
touched or smelt the professor's brain?" No one appears to have done so.
The Christian shakes his head sadly. "It appears no one here has had any
sensory perception of the professor's brain whatsoever. Well, according to the rules
of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says the professor has no
brain."
The class is in chaos.
The Christian sits.
Author unkown
Submitted by Charles M. Hill
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As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was.
"We're behind 14 to nothing", he answered with a smile.
"Really", I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged".
"Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet!"
Author unknown
Submitted by P.A. Willmon
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Do
It Anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of being selfish, or having ulterior
motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and GOD;
It was never between you and them.....Anyway.
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Stan Buck tells the story about a little girl,
who on the way home from church, turned to her mother and said, "Mommy,
the preacher's sermon this morning confused me."
The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?"
The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is
bigger than we are. Is that true?"
"Yes, that's true,"
the mother replied.
"He also said that God lives within us.
Is that true, too?"
Again the mother replied, "Yes."
"Well," said
the girl, "if God is bigger than us and he
lives in us, wouldn't He show through?"
I like that little girl's way of putting it. If God lives in us, then
there's no way of keeping Him from "showing through". That's the
essence of Christian living---living in such a way that people around will see
God in our lives.
Matthew 5:16
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and
glorify your Father in Heaven."
Anonymous
Submitted by: Guy & Donna Hendricks
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A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to
one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
Submitted by: Vicci Mauldin
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Drinking
From My Saucer
I've never made a fortune
and it's probably too late now
But I don't worry about that much
I'm happy anyhow
And as I go along life's way
I'm reaping better than I sow
I'm drinking from my saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed
Haven't got a lot of riches
and sometimes the going's tough
But I've got loving ones around me
and that makes me rich enough
I thank God for his blessings
and the mercies He's bestowed
I'm drinking from my saucer
'cause my cup has overflowed
O, Remember times when things went wrong
My faith wore somewhat thin
But all at once the dark clouds broke
and sun peeped through again
So Lord, help me not to gripe
about the tough rows that I've hoed
I'm drinking from my saucer
"Cause my cup has overflowed
If God gives me strength and courage
When the way grows steep and rough
I'll not ask for other blessings
I'm already blessed enough
And may I never be too busy
to help others bear their loads
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer
"Cause my cup has overflowed
Author unknown
Submitted by: Mark E Trayler
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As you got up this morning, I watched you and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday--but I noticed you were too busy trying to find the right outfit to put on and wear to work. I waited again.
When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point, you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair.
Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip. I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long. With all your activities, I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.
I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, and that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't.
That's okay. There is still more time left, and I have hope that you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV. I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spent a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about anything--just enjoying the show. I waited patientl again as you watched the TV and ate your meal, but again you didn't talk to me.
Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family, you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time. That's okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you. I've got more patience than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well.
I love you so much that I wait every day for a nod, prayer, thought, or a thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.
Well, you are getting up again and once again I will wait with nothing but love for you, hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!
Your friend,
GOD
Author unknown
Submitted by: Jody Hamrick
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Emergency
Phone Numbers
When in sorrow, call John 14
When people fail you, call Psalm 27
If you want to be fruitful, call John 15
When you have sinned, call Psalm 51
When you worry, call Matthew 6: 19-34
When you are in danger, call Psalm
91
When God seems far away, call Psalm 139
When your faith needs stirring,
call Hebrews 11
When you are lonely and fearful,
call Psalm 23
When you grow bitter and critical,
call 1 Cor. 13
For Paul's secret to happiness, call Col. 3:12-17
For idea of Christianity, call 1
Cor: 5:15-19
When you feel down and out, call Romans 8: 31-39
When you want peace and rest, call
Matthew 11:25-30
When the world seems bigger than God, call Psalm 90
When you want Christian assurance,
call Romans 8:1-30
When you leave home for labor or travel, call Psalm 121
When your prayers grow narrow or
selfish, call Psalm 67
For a great invention/opportunity, call Isaiah 55
When you want courage for a task,
call Joshua 1
How to get along with fellowmen, Call Romans 12
When you think of
investments/returns, call Mark 10
If you are depressed, call Psalm 27
If your pocketbook is empty, call
Psalm 37
If you're losing confidence in
people, call 1 Cor: 13
If people seem unkind, call John 15
If discouraged about your work, call
Psalm 126
If you find the Word growing small,
and yourself great, call Psalm 19
Emergency numbers may be dialed
direct.
No operator assistance is
necessary.
All lines are open to Heaven 24 hours a day.
God is still on the throne; we're
still on the footstool;
and here's only a knee's distance
between!
Author unknown
Submitted by: Delta Sawyer
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Toothpick
Rubber band
Band aid
Pencil
Eraser
Chewing gum
Mint
Candy Kiss
Tea Bag
Here's why:
Toothpick - to remind you to pick out the good
qualities in
others...Matt 7:1
Rubber band - to remind you to be flexible, things
might not
always go the way you want, but it will work
out...Romans 8:28
Band Aid - to remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours
or
someone else's...Col. 3:12-14
Pencil - To remind you to list your blessings
everyday...Eph1:3
Eraser - to remind you that everyone makes mistakes,
and it's
okay...Gen. 50:15-21
Chewing gum - to remind you to stick with it and you
can
accomplish anything ...Phil 4:13
Mint - to remind you that you are worth a mint to your
heavenly
father...John 3:16-17
Candy Kiss - to remind you that everyone needs a kiss
or a hug
everyday...1 John 4:7
Tea Bag - to remind you to relax daily and go over that
list of
God's blessings...1 Thess 5:18
Author unknown
Submitted by: Rebecca Bass
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A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years, this went on daily, with the bearer only delivering one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts", the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table."
"Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We are all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, the Spirit will use our flaws to grace God's table.
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Take up your cross and follow me,
Wherever I may lead
Your back will ache, your feet grow tired,
And yes, your heart will bleed.
But we shall walk together
And I will share your lot,
For I am always with you,
And will forget you not.
Take up your cross and follow me,
And I will fill you days
With joy that only I can give,
In so many precious ways.
So learn to know me better,
For there are miles to go
And rest your head upon my heart,
For I have loved you so.
The light grows dim, the dusk descends,
The sunlight turns to shade.
I give my angels charge of you
So do not be afraid.
But trust in me, and do not grieve
For what has come and gone.
I will provide for all your needs,
Because you are my own.
My yoke is sweet, my burden light
No matter where you roam.
Remember earth will pass away,
But heaven is your home.
How very brief a time man walks
Upon this earthly sod.
So love me as I first loved you
And know that I am God.
Author unknown
Submitted by Vicci Mauldin
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His name is Bill. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans and
no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his entire four years of college.
He is brilliant. Kind of esoteric and
very, very bright. He became a Christian while attending college.
Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative church.
They want to reach the students, but are not sure how to go about it. One day
Bill decides to attend there. He
walks in with no shoes, jeans, his T-shirt, and wild hair. The service has
already started and so Bill starts down the aisle looking for a seat. The church
building is completely packed and he can't find a seat. By now people are really
looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one says anything. Bill gets
closer and closer and closer to the pulpit and, when he realizes there are no
seats, he just squats down right on the carpet. (Although perfectly acceptable
behavior at a college fellowship, trust me, this had never happened in this
church before!)
By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is thick. About this time, the preacher realizes that from way at the back of the church, a deacon is slowly making his way toward Bill. Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair, and a three-piece suit. A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very courtly. He walks with a cane and, as he starts walking toward this boy, everyone is saying to themselves "You can't blame him for what he's going to do... How can you expect a man of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor?"
It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy. The church is utterly silent except for the clicking of the man's cane. All eyes are focused on him. You can't even hear anyone breathing. The preacher can't even give the sermon until the deacon does what he has to do.
And now they see this elderly man drop his
cane on the floor. With great difficulty he lowers himself and sits down next to
Bill and worships with him so he won't be alone. Everyone chokes up with
emotion. When the preacher gains control, he says, "What I'm about to
preach, you will never remember. What you have just seen, you will never forget.
Be careful how you live.
You may be the only Bible some people will ever read."
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Funny how a $10.00 bill looks so big
when you take it to church, but so small
when you take it to the mall.
Funny how big an hour serving God looks and how small 60 minutes are when
spent playing golf, fishing or shopping.
Funny how long a couple of hours spent at church, but how short they are when
watching a movie.
Funny how we get thrilled when a football game goes into overtime, but we
complain when a sermon is longer than the regular time.
Funny how laborious it is to read a chapter in the Bible and how easy it is
to read 200-300 pages of a best selling novel.
Funny how we believe what newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Funny how people scramble to get a front seat at any game, but scramble to
get a back seat at church service.
Funny how we cannot fit a gospel meeting into our schedule with yearly
planner but we can schedule for other events at a moment's notice.
Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks to fit a church event into our schedule, but
can adjust it for a social event at the last minute.
Funny how much difficulty some have learning a simple gospel well enough to
tell others, but how simple it is for the same people to understand and
explain gossip about someone.
Funny how we can't think of anything to say when we pray, and don't have any
difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.
Funny how we are so quick to take direction from a total stranger when we are
lost, but are hesitant to take God's direction to be found.
Funny how people are so consumed with what others think about them rather
than what God thinks about them.
Funny how so many churchgoers sing "Standing on the Promises" but all
they do
is sit on the premises.
Funny how people think that they can get more accomplished in a lifetime
without God than in an hour with Him.
Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven, provided they don't have to
believe, or to think, or to say, or to do anything.
Author unknown
Submitted by: Jody Hamrick
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Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford
Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a
rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a
blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously
survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat
the illness.
The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and
asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I
saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath
and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save Liz."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister
and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the
doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right
away?"
Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he
was going to have to give his sister all of his blood.
Submitted by: Jody Hamrick
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For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it.
You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16, John 13:34)
You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9, Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (2 Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Romans 8:28)
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I forgive you (1 John 1:9, Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on me (1 Peter 5:7)
You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)
You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)
Author unknown
Submitted by: Sue McGuire
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When you are tired and
discouraged from fruitless efforts...
God knows how hard you have tried.
When you've cried so long and your heart is in anguish...
God has counted your tears.
If you feel that your life is on hold and time has passed
you by...God is waiting with you.
When you're lonely and your friends are too busy even for
a phone call...God is by your side.
When you think you've tried everything and don't know
where to turn...God has a solution.
When nothing makes sense and you are confused or
frustrated...God has the answer.
If suddenly your outlook is brighter and you find traces
of hope...God has whispered to you.
When things are going well and you have much to be
thankful for...God has blessed you.
When something joyful happens and you are filled with
awe...God has smiled upon you.
When you have a purpose to fulfill and a dream to
follow...God has opened your eyes and called you by name.
Remember that wherever you are or whatever you are
facing... GOD KNOWS
Author unknown
Submitted by: Jody Hamrick
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When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in
mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be
walking the three blocks from school to home.
So she decided to meet her along the way, thinking her daughter would be
frightened. But when the mother saw the girl, she was walking nonchalantly
along, stopping to smile whenever she would see the lightning.
Over and over, the little girl would stop, look up to the sky, and then smile
for a second each time the lightning flashed, before moving on.
Finally the mother reached her daughter and asked why she kept smiling at the
sky.
The little girl explained enthusiastically, "All the way home, God's been
taking my picture!"
Author unknown
Submitted by: Dennis Crawford
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Good Thoughts For The Day
I've learned -
That you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
That no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
That it's not what you have in your life,
but who you have in your life that counts.
That you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
That it's not what happens to people that's important,
It's what they do about it.
That you can do something in an instant,
that will give you heartache for life.
That no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
That it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words,
It may be the last time you see them.
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
That we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
That either you control your attitude,
or it controls you.
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its
place.
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
That learning to forgive takes practice.
That there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
That true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had,
and what you've learned from them,
and less to do with how many birthdays you've
celebrated.
That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating,
and what a tragedy it would be if they believed
it.
That your family won't always be there for you.
It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to can take care
of you,
and love you and teach
you to trust people again.
Families aren't always biological.
That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while,
and you must forgive them for that.
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
That no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
That sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
That just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't
mean they do.
That sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
That two people can look at the exact same thing,
and see something totally different.
That no matter how you try to protect your children,
they will eventually get hurt,
and you will hurt in the process.
That there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
That no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
That no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you
need them most.
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours,
by people who don't even know you.
That even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
That writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
That the paradigm we live in,
is not all that is offered to us.
That credentials on the wall,
do not make you a decent human being.
That the people you care most about in life,
are taken from you too soon.
That it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice,
and not hurting people's feelings,
and standing up for what you believe.
That no matter how fast,
or how far you go,
you can't outrun your
problems,
or God.
That love is not for me to keep,
but to pass on to the next person
That even if you do the right thing for the wrong reason,
it's still the wrong thing to do.
That sometimes you follow your heart,
and it takes you to wonderful places.
Author Unknown
Submitted By: Jason Kennedy
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A few months before I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our
small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with
this enchanting newcomer, and soon invited him to live with our family.
The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the
world a few months later. As I grew up I never questioned his place in
our family. In my young mind, each member had a special niche.
My brother, Bill, five years my senior, was my example.
Fran, my younger sister, gave me an opportunity to play 'big brother'
and develop the art of teasing. My parents were complementary
instructors. Mom taught me to love the Word of God, and Dad taught me
to obey it.
But, the stranger was our storyteller. He could weave the most
fascinating tales. Adventures, mysteries and comedies were daily
conversations. He could hold our whole family spell-bound for hours
each evening. If I wanted to know about politics, history, or science,
he knew it all. He knew about the past, understood the present, and
seemingly could predict the future. The pictures he could draw were so
lifelike that I would often laugh or cry.
He was like a friend to the whole family. He took Dad, Bill and me to
our first major league baseball game. He was always encouraging us to
see the movies and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several
movie stars. My brother and I were deeply impressed by John Wayne in
particular
The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn't seem to mind -- but
sometimes Mom would quietly get up -- while the rest of us were
enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places -- go to her
room, read her Bible and pray. I wonder now if she ever prayed that the
stranger would leave.
You see, my dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions.
But, this stranger never felt obligation to honor them. Profanity,
for example, was not allowed in our house -- not from us, from our
friends, or adults. Our long-time visitor, however, used occasional
four-letter words that burned my ears and made Dad squirm.
To my knowledge the stranger was never confronted.
My dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in his home, not even
for cooking. But the stranger felt like we needed exposure and
enlightened us to other ways of life. He offered us beer and other
alcoholic beverages often.
He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished.
He talked freely (probably too much too freely) about sex. His comments
were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally
embarrassing. I know now that my early concepts of the man-woman
relationship were influenced by the stranger.
As I look back, I believe it was the grace of God that the stranger did
not influence us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my
parents. Yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to leave.
More than 30 years have passed since the stranger moved in with the
young family on Morningside Drive. He is not nearly so intriguing to my
Dad as he was in those early years.
But, if you were to walk into my parents' den today, you would still see
him sitting over in a corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk
and look at his pictures.
His name?
We always just called him "T.V."
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Back in the fifteenth century, in a tiny village near Nuremberg, lived a
family with eighteen children. Eighteen! In order merely to keep food on
the table for this mob, the father and head of the household, a goldsmith by
profession, worked almost eighteen hours a day at his trade and any other paying
chore he could find in the neighborhood.
Despite their seemingly hopeless condition, two of Albrecht Durer's (the elder)
children had a dream. They both wanted to pursue their talent for art, but they
knew full well that their father would never be financially able to send either
of them to Nuremberg to study at the Academy.
After many long discussions at night in their crowded bed, the two boys
finally worked out a pact. They would toss a coin. The loser would go down
into the nearby mines and, with his earnings, support his brother while he
attended the academy. Then, when that brother who won the toss completed
his studies, in four years, he would support the other brother at the academy,
either with sales of his artwork or, if necessary, also by laboring in the
mines.
They tossed a coin on a Sunday morning after church. Albrecht Durer won
the toss and went off to Nuremberg. Albert went down into the dangerous
mines and, for the next four years, financed his brother, whose work at the
academy was almost an immediate sensation.
Albrecht's etchings, his woodcuts, and his oils were far better than those of
most of his professors, and by the time he graduated, he was beginning to earn
considerable fees for his commissioned works.
When the young artist returned to his village, the Durer family held a festive
dinner on their lawn to celebrate Albrecht's triumphant homecoming. After a long
and memorable meal, punctuated with music and laughter, Albrecht rose from his
honored position at the head of the table to drink a toast to his beloved
brother for the years of sacrifice that had enabled Albrecht to fulfill his
ambition. His closing words were, "And now, Albert, blessed brother of
mine, now it is your turn. Now you can go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream, and
I will take care of you."
All heads turned in eager expectation to the far end of the table where
Albert sat, tears streaming
down his pale face, shaking his lowered head from side to side while he sobbed
and repeated, over and over, "No ...no ...no ...no."
Finally, Albert rose and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He glanced down the
long table at the faces he loved, and then, holding his hands close to his right
cheek, he said softly, "No, brother. I cannot go to Nuremberg. It is too
late for me. Look ...look what four years in the mines have done to my hands!
The bones in every finger have been smashed at least once, and lately I have
been suffering from arthritis so badly in my right hand that I cannot even hold
a glass to return your
toast, much less make delicate lines on parchment or canvas with a pen or a
brush. No, brother ...
for me it is too late."
More than 450 years have passed. By now, Albrecht Durer's hundreds of masterful
portraits, pen and silver-point sketches, watercolors, charcoals, woodcuts, and
copper engravings hang in every great museum in the world, but the odds are
great that you, like most people, are familiar with only one of Albrecht Durer's
works. More than merely being familiar with it, you very
well may have a reproduction hanging in your home or office.
One day, to pay homage to Albert for all that he had sacrificed, Albrecht Durer painstakingly drew his brother's abused hands with palms together and thin fingers stretched skyward. He called his powerful drawing simply "Hands," but the entire world almost immediately opened their hearts to his great masterpiece and renamed his tribute of love "The Praying Hands."
The next time you see a copy of that touching creation, take a second
look. Let it be your reminder, if you still need one, that none, no one --
ever makes it alone!
Author unknown
Submitted by: Kenneth St. John
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Whatever our hands touch--
We leave fingerprints!
On walls, on furniture,
On doorknobs, dishes, books
As we touch, we leave our identity.
Oh please where ever I go today,
Help me leave heartprints!
Heartprints of compassion
Of understanding and love.
Heartprints of kindness
and genuine concern.
May my heart touch a lonely neighbor,
Or a runaway daughter,
Or an anxious mother,
Or, perhaps, a dear friend!
I shall go out today
To leave heartprints,
And if someone should say
"I felt your touch",
May that one sense be YOUR LOVE
Touching through ME.
Author unknown
Submitted by: PA. Willmon
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A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the
Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100
points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've
done, and I'll give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on
how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50
years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "That's worth three
points!"
"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and
supported it ministry with my finances and service."
"Terrific!" says St. Peter. "That's certainly worth a
point."
"One point? I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for
homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.
"Two points!" the man cries. "At this rate the only way I get
into heaven is by the grace of God."
"That's it, 100 points! Come on in!"
Author unknown
Submitted by: Rebecca Bass
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HOW GOOD OUR GOD IS TO ALL OF US!
1. If you own a Bible, you are abundantly blessed--about 1/3 of the world does
not have access to one.
2. If you wake up each morning with more health than illness, you are blessed to
rise and shine, to live and to serve in a new day.
3. If you have anyone on the planet, just one person that loves you and listens
to you--count this a huge blessing.
4. If you can freely attend a church meeting without fear, then you are more
blessed than over 1/3 of the world.
5. If you have a yearning in your heart to parent a child, you are blessed
because you still desire what you cannot see.
6. If you pray today or any day, you are blessed because you believe in God's
willingness to hear your prayer.
7. If you pray for someone else, you are blessed because you want to help others
also.
8. If you have food in your frig, clothes on your back, a roof over your head,
and a place to sleep--all at the same time--you are rich in this world--about
1/2 of the world is not this wealthy.
9. If you have a brother or sister in Christ that will pray with you and for
you, you benefit from a spiritual unity, bond, and agreement, which the gates of
hell cannot stand against.
10. If you have any earthly family that even halfway love you and support you,
you are blessed beyond measure.
11. If you attend a church with a church family that offers you one word of
encouragement, you are blessed with some form of fellowship.
12. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and some spare change in a
dish someplace, you are among the world's wealthy.
13. If you can go to bed each night, knowing that God loves you, you are blessed
beyond measure.
14. If you try each day to imitate our Lord Jesus Christ for even a minute, you
are blessed because you show a willingness to grow up in Him.
15. If you can read this message, you are more blessed than about 1/3 of the
world.
16. If you have never had to endure the hardship and agony of battle,
imprisonment, or torture, you are blessed in indescribable measure.
17. If you have a voice to sing His praises, a voice to witness God's love, and
a voice to share the gospel with, you are blessed--about 1/2 of the world does
not even know who the one true God is.
18. If you can hold someone's hand, hug another person, touch someone on the
shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.
19. If you can share a word of encouragement with someone else, and do it with
His love in your heart, you are blessed because you have learned how to give.
20. If you have the conviction to stand fast upon His Word and His promises, no
matter what, you are blessed because you are learning patience, endurance, and
tenacity.
21. If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because most people can, but won't.
Author Unknown
Submitted by: Rebecca Bass
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"HOW
TO EXPLAIN GOD"
by Danny Dutton, age
8
"How to Explain God" was written by
Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista,
California, for his third grade homework assignment.
One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the
ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth.
He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are
smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His
valuable
time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and
fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off. God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you cou